Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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