i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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