you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
