i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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