So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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