pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Randomize
