Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You made out with two different species that night
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
