I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
