Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
