I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
