I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
