I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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