marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
