my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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