I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
