i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
