connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
