i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
