whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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