If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
