Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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