'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
