Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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