its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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