I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
