i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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