there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
