I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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