We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
