Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
