Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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