Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
