Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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