So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
