Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
