my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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