you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
