we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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