just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
