I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize