spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
It's official drugs can't kill me
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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