let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
