is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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