I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
