oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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