Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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