I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
