the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
