either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
