this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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