If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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