Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
