Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
