haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
