Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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