Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
