So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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