Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
There are leaves in my underwear?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
