You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
