Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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