About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
