when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
