hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
