Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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