I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
