Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize