32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
